Eleanor Clift: Hi Hugh – I remember you well, and have followed your journalistic achievements over the years. I was indeed the “girl Friday” in the Atlanta bureau of Newsweek, which is where I learned how to be a reporter. Joe Cumming was my mentor, and he – like you – comes from the tradition of great Southern story-telling. All the best, Eleanor
Riverdale, NY: Eleanor, I enjoy watching you on the McLaughlin Report and admire your restraint not to punch him in the face sometimes! I laughed at your part of the book how Tom helped you prepare for that. How do you feel about Hillary and the recent snags she’s hitting on recollections and her claims of foreign policy experience? I wonder what Tom would advise me to say about Hillary. He’d probably remind me that she is after all a politician, and politicians are given to exaggeration. I think she’d be better off basing her claims of foreign policy experience on what she’s done in the Senate as opposed to inflating her First Lady duties.
Warrensburg, MO: Ms. Clift, so sorry to read about your loss. Did you find writing to book to be helpful for you in adjusting to the loss of your husband? Was it a difficult process? Writing the book was cathartic. It’s kept me busy for the last two and a half years, and it helped me to order my thoughts and my life after my expectations had been so radically altered. Talking about the book is another matter. I wish I could just slip it in people’s mail slots. There are emotional trigger points that I’m learning to avoid. CSPAN captured me at the national press club last week during a moment when I lost my composure. I’m told it will be part of Book TV on April 13 and 14. There were members of the A-Team in the audience – Tom’s former colleagues who helped care for him – and that put me over the edge.
Shreveport Louisiana: How would we go about getting you as a speaker for our grief support group? Hospicegirl I have a web site that accepts requests – eleanorclift.com
Newark, NJ: How did the politicization of end of life issues affect your experience with your husband? Tom was clear about what he wanted, so I didn’t have any conflicts about how we proceeded. Watching the debate over Terri Schiavo unfold, I instinctively sided with the courts in believing they had ruled correctly in allowing her feeding tube to be removed after she had been in a vegetative state for 15 years. But I can understand how her family felt in wanting to prolong her life, however compromised she was. After Tom died, people would ask me if I was relieved – and the answer was no. Caring for him had become my life and I did it for only a short time. I do think it was unfortunate that the Schiavo case became a pawn in the larger cultural battle over life issues.
Houston: Do you think euthenasia should be allowed in America? I have a very sick relative who wants to die, but I’m not sure if this is morally or religiously the right thing to do. There are laws against euthanasia. The closest we’ve gotten as a society to allowing people to choose to die is the Oregon Death with Dignity Act. It was challenged in the courts and in the Congress, but it is in place – and allows people with a diagnosis of six months or less to live to obtain a prescription for a lethal dose of drugs. Many people get the prescription and never use it, but knowing it is there offers peace of mind. The law has not been abused as its critics charged it would be. Still, it is controversial enough that no other state has followed Oregon’s example.
Los Angeles: Ms. Clift, thank you for sharing your personal and intimate story. You mentioned the show Six Feet Under in your book. Were you a regular watcher? Did Tom watch as well? Do you think this show helped Americans be a little more frank about life and death? We watched “Six Feet Under” together, and I credit the show in my book for opening up lines of conversation that we might not otherwise have had. On the day Tom died and the van arrived to pick up his body, I half expected David to emerge. The scene was familiar because I had seen it on television many times. I think the show helped lift the curtain on death and dying – we were big fans
Anonymous: as someone who follows politics half-heartedly, but respects your opinion on this topic– what do you think about the mudslinging going on bet hillary and obama. aren’t people right to say this bickering is only damaging the dem chance come november? After listening to conference calls with each of the campaigns, I feel like taking a shower. The only saving grace is that nothing is being thrown that won’t be used in November – and if Obama can’t handle it, better to know now than October. Activists on both sides are getting bitter, but polls show regular voters still have high regard for both Democrats – and I think Hillary still has a right to remain in the race even tho her path to the nomination is narrow. She’s an insurance policy if Obama implodes – with or without her help. I remember a Saturday Night Live skit with Nancy Pelosi cautioning Democrats it’s a long time til November – We can still lose
Cleveland: I was so glad to read the snippet of your book in Newsweek and want to buy it now. I remember when my husband died, that I immediately went out and worked in the garden. Some of my neighbors thought it was crazy, but it was just my way of getting through the grief. Thank you for sharing your story Work helped me. When I’m writing a column, I can’t think about anything else. I suspect digging in the garden would be a great release – I’ll bet you did it with enough vigor you could have gotten all the way to China.
Anonymous: Who will take the Democratic nomination? Obama has the better hand but I don’t think it’s a done deal. If Hillary wins Pennsylvania by a big margin and then wins somewhere where he’s expected to win – North Carolina, Oregon, Indiana – then the race gets re-set once again – and she has a case to make to the super delegates. Right now, she’s trying to hold the uncommitted super delegates in place while the Obama campaign is pushing for an early decision to avoid the bloodletting. I suspect the race goes on into May and possibly June
Washington, D.C.: Do you think the Democrats will retain control of the House and the Senate this fall? No one is focusing on that yet. The Democrats are poised to increase their majorities in both Houses. There have been 29 Republican retirements in the House, opening up possibilities for Dems – they could pick up 20-plus seats. In the Senate, they’re looking at 4-5 maybe even more pickups which would not get them to the magical 60 filibuster-proof seats, but close enough that they can pull over the handful of Republican moderates and actually function as a legislative body especially if there’s a Democrat in the White House.
Tuscon, Ariz.: Do you think Barack Obama can actually win a general election? I’m afriad the right-wing machine is going to crush him in the fall… most-liberal senator, crazy pastor, inexperienced, and more You have a point. Obama’s ability to transcend what he calls old politics is under assault now, and he will be further tested in the fall if he wins the nomination. But Hillary has electability problems of her own – she has high negatives going into the race. Her campaign argues that any Democrat will have high negatives by Election Day, and so what if she starts out where she begins. Still, it’s an experiment. Both Democrats have flaws – but so does McCain. And with all the Dem problems, they’ve got a better hand than McCain who will be cast as a third term for Bush-Cheney on the war and economic laissez-faire that’s gotten us into the meltdown we see today.
Tallahassee, Florida: So if the Democratic primary from my state doesn’t count, what does that say about the party’s chances in the fall? If we don’t get a voice in the nominee selection, we’re not going to be so excited about the November election. Isn’t anybody going to make sure our votes count? What can we do? I think at the very least there will be a negotiated settlement between the two campaigns to apportion the delegates in a way that doesn’t impact the outcome of the race, but that allows the Florida delegation to be seated. Support for a re-do seems to have waned.
Baltimore, Md.: If the Democrats mess up this election and lose after 8 years of George Bush, then the party needs to kick out all the leadership and start over. What do you think? If the Democrats don’t win a third presidential election they’re supposed to win, they’ll have a hard time calling themselves a presidential party. I shudder to think of the “I told you so’s” emanating from one side of the party or the other if the eventual nominee doesn’t pull off a victory.
My husband died 4 years ago and it’s still hard sometimes. Does it ever get any easier? I enjoy reading your columns and watching you on TV. We need more women involved in politics! It gets easier in the sense that the grief is not so raw, but it sneaks up on you sometimes when you least expect it. I had to pause to regain my composure in the midst of a talk recently, and I heard myself saying – It’s been three years; I can’t believe I’m still this emotional. The grief is there, always.
Fairfax, Va.: Couldn’t the Dems have come up with better candidates. Hillary and Barack are OK, but as you say, both are not guaranteed to win in the fall. McCain is no clear winner either. I could also argue that these are three fine individuals, each with an uncommon strength of character, but each also with significant flaws. Each party had an array of candidates to choose from, some might be more electable – John Edwards as a Southern white man a la Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter and Lyndon Johnson comes to mind – but if he were still in the race, I’m sure we would find weaknesses. This is a race the Dems should win, but given the experimental if historic nature of the two candidacies, it’s not hard to envision McCain as the default position for a lot of voters.
Grand Rapids, Michigan: do you think hillary would have fared better if she didn’t have the other clinton as her shadow–and her years as first lady? The answer is yes – Bill Clinton proved to be a big negative in the race. However, Hillary Clinton wouldn’t be where she is today as a senator from New York, a state she had never lived in, if she didn’t have the catapult of her First Lady years.
Shreveport Louisiana: Ms. Clift how did Hospice help you in dealing with Tom’s death. Thanks-Hospicegirl I’ve become an advocate for Hospice, and serve on the board of the National Hospice and Palliative Care organization. When Tom went into the care of hospice, we received services at home, everything from excellent pain management to home health care aides and counseling from a social worker. It’s holistic care for the patient as well as the family once death is inevitable and imminent.
Eleanor Clift: Thanks so much for all your questions. I hope that sharing my experience in the context of the debate over Terri Schiavo is helpful to others who might be facing similiar experiences in their own life. Sincerely, Eleanor Clift
